My son, Calvin, is too good for this world. That is not a statement of arrogance but a calculation of return on investment. As a preschooler, Calvin was blissfully self-absorbed, fairly oblivious to the needs and desires of those around him, as most preschoolers are. But at age six or seven, he began to develop a sense of responsibility to take care of others, and this sense has grown continuously over the years, to an extent that is barely sustainable and that has taken a significant toll on him.
My first of many proudest moments of Calvin was when he had just enrolled in a new California middle school, halfway through the school year. Some of Calvin's new classmates were making rude comments about another classmate's unconventional appearance. Knowing the potential consequences of advocating for the bullied kid, Calvin nevertheless spoke up and in clear terms, called out his classmates on their mean behavior.
Also upon our arrival in California, when we put an end to Calvin's competitive gymnastics career, Calvin began teaching gymnastics to kids with special needs. Following that, he befriended a young man with cerebral palsy and has been advocating for him (to the extreme) taking him on glorious adventures – camping and rock climbing with friends, Las Vegas, a film studio in LA – and documenting his life, for over 10 years.
Calvin makes exhaustive efforts to improve the lives of others, whether family, friends, or complete strangers. He gives the most thoughtful gifts I've ever seen – sometimes material, and other times unique excursions or creations born of his imagination and talents.
When my father was diagnosed with cancer, Calvin began surreptitiously interviewing him by phone and spending time with him in person when possible, combining these audio and video interviews with 50-year-old 8mm film footage. After my father passed, Calvin presented a film he had made about my dad's life at a memorial service, having rented a charming small theater for all at the memorial to enjoy. Calvin did this for me, as a gesture of his love and compassion, and with the knowledge that it would bring me joy during a challenging time.
Calvin more recently initiated a project with my mother, where he motivated her to write and publish stories about her life for my sister and me to enjoy.
Three years ago, following the devastating loss of my beloved former student, Calvin wrote a deeply profound, complex, and insightful story about my relationship as a mentor to this student, which helped me tremendously in the aftermath. Calvin had also been working with this young man on a video project at the time of his passing, but he gave me all of the space to indulge in my feelings while withholding his.
This past summer, Calvin planned, managed, and expertly executed a thoroughly enriching trip to Australia, so I could finally meet the pen-pal I've been writing to for 45 years.
Calvin has served as guest speaker to all six periods of my classes on several occasions, teaching them how to "do" college, conduct interviews, and make films.
Beyond the love and generosity Calvin has shown me, he is also attentive to, and intentional about, time spent with all his loved ones. He seems to feel the passage of time acutely and maximizes both the quantity and quality of time spent with family members. He takes none of us for granted. Well, maybe Kiefer ... just kidding.
Calvin also carves out time to meet with people of different beliefs, races, and cultures. And he reads extensively, complex texts from philosophy, biography, and history genres, to be his most informed and best version of himself. Being painfully mindful of his birthright advantages, Calvin does not begrudge marginalized folks for having access to opportunities that he does not have. But he still can't help but feel the sting of opportunities that are just out of his reach as we attempt to right the wrongs that were perpetuated before Calvin's time.
I think it must be difficult and perhaps even excruciating to give nearly all of one's heart to others and not feel the same degree of love being returned. But Calvin does not ask or expect to receive anything in return. So he has to manage whatever void exists until it is filled at some future time, as I know it will be. And he will still be too good for this world, but he will be content then, and I will be, too.
